Learning to Let Go

It may not be the central theme of the Tao Te Ching, but learning to let things go is certainly a topic of choice throughout the pages.

I will offer a few examples from the popular Stephen Mitchell translation:

"The Master stays behind; that is why she is ahead.

She is detached from all things; that is why she is one with them.

Because she has let go of herself, she is perfectly fulfilled."

                                                            ~ Verse 7 Excerpt

"If you want to accord with the Tao, just do your job, then let go."

                                                            ~ Verse 24 Excerpt

“If you want to be a great leader, you must learn to follow the Tao.

Stop trying to control.

Let go of fixed plans and concepts, and the world will govern itself.

The more prohibitions you have, the less virtuous people will be.

The more weapons you have, the less secure people will be.

The more subsidies you have, the less self-reliant people will be.

Therefore the Master says:

I let go of the law, and people become honest.

I let go of economics, and people become prosperous.

I let go of religion, and people become serene.

I let go of all desire for the common good, and the good becomes common as grass.”

~ Verse 57

“Nothing is impossible for him.

Because he has let go, he can care for the people's welfare as a mother cares for her child.”

~ Verse 59 Excerpt

Now with all that being said, it is clear to me how important learning to let things go is to the process of Tao cultivation.  Unfortunately, this is one thing I struggle with on a daily basis.  I have attempted meditation, which works for some things.  Practicing Tai Chi seems to help me center and be in the moment.  Unfortunately, it seems everything I have let go comes crashing back eventually.

Because I believe this is important, when I saw a tool that was designed to help me let go, I had to have one.  The tool is called a Buddha Board.  It is simple, yet so profound.

The main idea is that you may use water to paint on the canvas.  It creates a lovely ink style brush stroke that can create beautiful pictures.  Being a quote unquote “art person”, this is right up my alley.  Here’s the trick though: That masterpiece disappears just minutes later, revealing another blank canvas.  It’s poetic, and I find myself using it often.

When something is bothering me, I either paint a symbolic representation of my troubles or just write out a word.  I watch the canvas and think about whatever it is.  In that moment, I allow myself to obsess.  But then, as the ink fades, I also allow it to fade from my mind.  It’s the ultimate in visualization of a complex concept and I absolutely love it!

The Pitter Patter of Little Feet

Well, bloggers.  The time has finally come.

Many of you have been following my trials with infertility for some time.  I opted to share this journey in my blog because it is not spoken of much among any but the closest of friends.  But the blog gave me a place to vent and document the trials, though I still kept things vague.

I am so happy to tell you all that my journey with infertility is finally at an end.  I am pleased to announce that I am currently 11 weeks pregnant.  We opted to wait to tell people, because we've had some issues we wanted to be sure everything was alright.  Our estimated due date is November 10, 2013.

I have used Taoism to help me through the tough times infertility brought me, and I am really looking forward to using the teachings to help me be the best parent I can be.  I am in awe of the miracle that is growing inside me, an amazing illustration of nature at its finest.  I try to stay positive, though morning (noon and night) sickness hit pretty hard at 6 weeks and the fatigue is unparallelled.  Luckily the nausea has eased up and I'm beginning to feel myself again.

Thank you to all of you who supported us through this journey, I feel so lucky to count you among my friends.

Roaming Free

We are new to the chicken raising thing, and boy has it been a learning experience. 

Our girls are doing well.  All 9 survived the winter and seem happy to bask in the new found sunlight.  We are doing some thinking about how well the tractor coop works.  The idea is sound, the chickens always have new ground, so they can hunt, dig and peck to their hearts content.  There was something I just wasn't happy with, though.

One day, I accidentally left the coop top open when I went to get more feed and such.  When I came back three chickens had hopped out and were foraging around in the nearby leaves.  Rather than being frustrated that they got out, I sat on the steps and watched them.  This was natural, chickens being chickens.  The behavior was different than any I had seen in the coop though.  Then I decided to try and put them back in the coop.  Two went rather easily, but one, who I have nicknamed Queenie because she is obviously at the top of the pecking order, took off.

She ran circles around the coop with me stalking after her.  She clucked and ruffled her wings as she ran.  I grew tired and stopped to catch my breath.  I almost burst out laughing when she looked behind her and stopped and waited for me.  Then it hit me, she wasn't running from me out of fear, or even because she was avoiding being put back in the coop.  This was a game, and she was enjoying every minute of our chase. 

Chickens like to run and play, and our girls were not really afforded that opportunity in the small area we were giving them to graze on.  Over the winter the tractor served us well, but I decided that day that I needed to afford them more space on a regular basis. 

A few days ago, I fashioned a ramp (we intend to put a more permanent door in soon) to allow the chickens an easy in and out of the coop.  Once a day, after the eggs are laid, I go and open it up.  Slowly the girls hop out and begin to explore.  At first, they stuck really close to me.  But on the second day, they got a little braver and ran around in two groups.  By the weekend, we let them out and they traveled halfway across the yard to the other side of the shop just to see what we were doing.

I have no doubt that they are happier.  I was a little shocked that egg production went up almost immediately.  They are a bit nosier when first put back in the coop, but not for very long.  I love sitting and watching them running around, though.  They really are chickens being chickens, and I love being witness to nature at its finest.

Now if only we could figure out a safe way to get those peepers off...

An old wive's tale

After attending a lengthy and insightful talk about Feng Shui, I have been evaluating my own views a little.  This talk, based in Taoism, explained that Feng Shui is far less mystical than it is practical.  The rules line up with logic that would have been used at the time.

For example, much of Feng Shui is concerned with good flow in the space.  Logically, in the days before air conditioning, the flow in the house would have been vital to keeping the dwelling at a manageable temperature, thus improving the comfort and even health of those within.  This is a very broad example, but the talk went into great detail about how practical the ideas of Feng Shui really were. 

This got me thinking.  Many people scoff at ideas such as Feng Shui as complete nonsense for the weak of mind.  They easily dismiss old wives' tales as unproven, unscientific hokum.  I must admit that I count myself among them, as someone who easily dismisses many things that have no scientific backing and always insist on sources for arguments. 

The talk of Feng Shui got me thinking though.  Perhaps it is nearsighted to simply dismiss an idea that is not proven.  Perhaps we should keep an open mind about traditional ways of thinking.  We may not agree with the logic behind it, but perhaps there is still something to learn, a basis in truth if you will.

For example, the superstition of not walking under a ladder, is at its heart, pretty logical.  Will it bring you terrible luck?  Most likely not, but it will put you in danger of falling tools, or increase your chances of knocking over a person standing on said ladder.  So while the superstition itself is a bit silly, the practice is somewhat understandable, just for a different reason. 

I read once that ancient peoples soaked their beans overnight to ward off the evil spirits contained within (perhaps a metaphor for the gaseous emissions beans are known for?).  Indeed, for centuries our ancestors soaked their beans, perhaps for similar reasons, or perhaps simply because they were taught that way.  In modern times, research has shown that not only does soaking the beans deactivate many of the chemicals that cause noxious gas, it also makes the nutrients more bio-available and it's really the healthiest way to prepare them.

How interesting that the reason ancient people soaked the beans is easy to dismiss, however the practice turns out to be very valuable.  I wonder what other traditions, ancient wisdoms, or practices have been similarly dismissed.

I will still place value on science, evidence, and logic, however I will attempt to keep my mind open to ideas, and think more deeply about the possibilities of a piece of truth in the most unlikely places.

Year of the Black Snake

The Chinese New Year celebrations begin today.  2013 is the year of the black snake.

The influence of water continues this year, and the snake brings steady progress with focus and discipline. Known as the "little dragon" the snake is enigmatic, introspective, and intuitive.

For the first time, my husband and I will be celebrating the Chinese New Year together.  We have started observing traditions from both of our belief systems this year.  I find these observances help me to bring my spiritual side forward, even if only for a few moments.

We are going to make traditional style dumplings, which is said to bring prosperity through the new year.  We have already observed the tradition of cleaning house beforehand by tidying up our place to clean out the old year and welcome in the new.  We will discuss the many meanings of the year of the black snake over our dumpling dinner (and maybe add some wonton soup and fish).  Here is a compilation of what I have found so far.

The 2012 water dragon makes way for the 2013 water snake.  The snake is akin to a fire sign in traditional astrology.  This puts it at odds with the water influence of this year, but the Taoist knows that these opposites are complimentary rather than contradictory.  The two elemental influences will balance each other nicely ensuring the year will be full of both highs and lows.  

The snake is calm, inward directed and even shy.  It never attacks unprovoked.  Because snake is the 6th sign of the Chinese Zodiac, it is considered to be yin in nature.  This is generally shown by portraying the snake as a female, the gender most associated with yin.  The snake is a financial wizard, and brings strong business and financial influences for the year.

Wishing you all the best for the year of the black snake!

The elusive inner peace

Inner Peace
Could there be a more lofty goal?  Could there be a more worthwhile one?

A true cultivator of the Tao has unparallelled inner peace.  Today I have been contemplating what it will take for me to obtain inner peace.  Obviously this is a long and intensive process, as I'm not feeling very peaceful at the moment.  I think striving for this kind of peace during turbulent times in my life is quite valuable.  If I can keep some semblance of it now, then I can have confidence that I can find inner peace any time in my life.

Here are the steps I'm currently working on:

~ Embrace Change
     It is a very difficult thing to do, as we humans are hard wired to resist change.  Remaining flexible (flowing like a river) allows inner peace to flourish because the struggle to resist change is let go.

~ Detach from Outcomes
    Not being attached to outcomes is something the Tao talks of often.  My actions should come from within, not based on the potential outcomes I see.  I should be motivated by simplicity, compassion, and humility in all that I do.  By letting go of perceived "correct reactions" to my actions, I can keep inner peace regardless of the outcome of any situation.

~ See Truth
     This is perhaps the one that I struggle with the most.  I recently asked a Taoist master how I could work on my confidence.  He answered simply, "See the authentic truth."  This means looking at myself in a truly honest and objective manner.  I tend to be quite hard on myself in all aspects, boarding on self-loathing.  My husband often points out that I think everyone is better than me, even people I've never met.  If I look at myself from an authentic truth, however, I know that I am no more or less worthy of anything than someone else is.  Seeing truth erases judgements and allows me to accept everyone and everything as it is, even myself. 

I decided that these three things will be the first steps of my thousand mile journey to inner peace.

Contemplations

I recently got started attending temple again, and boy am I glad.  It seems that I get pulled away from my path more easily than I would like to admit.  I've been going through some tough times, and sometimes it's easier to feel sorry for myself instead of work through it.  Undoubtedly, every time I log into temple (its a physical group in California that also broadcasts online) the topic is something that hits home. 

Here are a few things that have really gotten me thinking recently. 

The yin/yang partner of love is not hate, but fear.
This is something that really speaks to me, as someone who has battled anxiety for some time, fear is a very real emotion that is felt every day.  The point was made that hate almost always comes from fear in some way, which I find mostly true as well.  It really got me thinking because if I am fearing something, I am doing the opposite of loving it.  I try to walk a path of love, so this is jarring, thinking that I am perpetuating the opposite.

The Tao Te Ching can be interpreted in a personal manner.
On the surface, this is something I already knew, but hadn't thought of in this specific context.  They took the first verse of the Tao Te Ching and applied it directly to you as an individual.  This is possible because the book is about the Tao, and the Tao is part of all of us, therefore each statement is about us.  Pretty deep, I know, so it got me thinking.

You are responsible for everything that happens to you.
This one is really hard for me to swallow, mainly because of the tough times I am experiencing with starting a family.  I feel so incredibly helpless in this area, it seems preposterous to say I am responsible for what is happening to me.  They explained that it is not so much that I am always in control, because some things are out of my control.  The thing I can control is my reaction to what happens, therefore I am responsible for that.

So these are the things I'm thinking about at the moment.  Feeling very contemplative. 

End of Year 2012

Typically at the end of the year I do a small breakdown of the goings on and whatnots that occurred in my life for the last 12 months.  This year, I'd like to do something a little different, as there isn't much to report in the personal life.  I'll do a  quick summary paragraph and then move on to a tribute to two amazing people that I lost this year.

I graduated with a Master's Degree last December and have now spent an entire year looking for a way to make it earn me money.  Turning out not to be the best investment.  We have gotten nowhere on starting a family, but did start costly and invasive treatments in June.  My brother married the love of his life in September, and I finally got to be in a wedding other than my own.  I was also put in charge of the bridal shower which I drafted much needed help from friends, as I was clueless. 

The biggest change in my life this year involves losing my last remaining grandparents.  At the beginning of the year, I lost my Grandma H, who was my mother's mother.   Then a few months back, I lost my Grandpa D who was my dad's father.  I'd like to tell you about these two amazing people.

Grandma H was not your typical Grandma.  She was a party animal!  She'd drink any of her grand kids under the table if given the chance.  I spent 1 week of every summer staying with her and my little cousin.  We always had a blast going shopping at Younkers and hanging at the Moose.  Grandma had a heart of gold, and it always amazed me how people I'd never met would come up to me and tell me how wonderful she was.  It just goes to show how she was able to have an impact on so many people.  She was outgoing and fun, but not afraid to threaten to kick your ass either.  She loved us grandkids, we never had any doubt.  She succumbed to Alzheimer's in the last decade of her life, which was hard to watch, but she always kept her kind and compassionate demeanor.  I miss her terribly!

Grandpa D was a no nonsense kind of guy.  He expected the best of his kids, and was only marginally more lenient with us grandkids.  No one worked harder than my grandpa, of that I have no doubt.  He built up multiple businesses, and even took playing board games to a whole new level by making his own boards and pieces like Trionimos out of counter top (which I have to this day).  He built decks and ramps and garages, you name it, he could build it, roof it, or side it.  He was competitive and took playing games seriously.  Be it pingpong, shuffleboard, Rummikub, or Skip-Bo, if you won the game, you won it fair and square because he wasn't going to let you win.  While his body failed him, his mind stayed sharp until close to the end.  He was obsessed with coming to see my new house, and loved hearing stories of home improvement projects like our new roof.  I miss his expert advice.

So 2012 wasn't the best year for me, but it did have some up moments.  I'm hoping and praying for more up moments in 2013, since there will be a 2013.

Peace and love to you all.

Happy Holidays

Well here I am. It's Christmas Day and we've made it through another year of celebrations, family gatherings, and doomsday predictions.
First of all: Happy Yule, Happy Winter Solstice, Happy Hanukkah, and Merry Christmas to all who celebrate any or all of it.

A short rant:
Something drives me a little crazy this time of year. I try to be a tolerant person, and let anyone do whatever they feel is right for them, after all I prefer for others to do the same for me. But the last few years there has been a thing people keep going on about called the "War on Christmas".

It seems that Christians are up in arms about people switching their greeting to Happy Holidays rather than Merry Christmas and they have interpreted this as an act of war. It baffles me that anyone could say that including more people in your good wishes is equal to the violent act of war. Tolerance is a wonderful and peaceful thing in my book. Besides this illogical conclusion, everywhere I went people said Merry Christmas to me, so if it is a war, the other side is losing.
End of rant.

Enough of that. I really enjoyed this holiday season and I'd like to share why I think that is. For the first time this year, I erased all expectations before any of the holiday celebrations. It could have been a tough year since I lost two grandparents this year and that drastically changed how we celebrated the day, not to mention unpleasant medical procedures happening between festivities. I still treasure the traditions that I grew up with and will always have those wonderful memories, but I opted to "go with the flow" for how things would go this year. I didn't expect certain reactions to gifts, I didn't plan in my head how things had to be in order to be perfect. Instead, I made it my mission to try and make everyone who was around me as joyful as possible, and it worked pretty well.

Fun Christmas Story:
I was reading How the Grinch Stole Christmas! by Dr. Seuss to my niece and nephews (13, 8, 7, and 5), they gathered around and listened really well. It was a wonderful feeling to have them piled around me clambering to get a look at the pictures in the book. I was reaching the end of the story and got to the part where the Grinch's heart grew 3 sizes that day. I read the line:

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store."

"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

As soon as I finished, my 5 year old nephew looked at me with his hand thoughtfully placed on his chin and said, "I can see that." I smile just thinking about it, what a wonderful moment to experience, a child thinking about how much more Christmas means to him than presents.  Priceless!  For our family Christmas means love, giving, and sharing memories.

Happy Holidays everyone, however you celebrate, I wish you joy and peace!

Revisiting an Old Friend

So it is December now, and another NanoWrimo is behind me. As with every other year I've done it, I am sick to death of my winning novel from this year. It's a pattern I tend to have. While I am working on something, it seems like total poo to me. But then, once I've given it a break, and not even thought about it for awhile, I can revisit and be more objective. Usually I'm quite surprised at how well I like the story at this later point. In that spirit, I decided to shelve my young adult fantasy novel from this year and revisit the title I won with last year. It's called Journey to the Mysts, and has distinct Taoist inspirations. At this time last year, I was newly invigorated by some Taoist authors I had found, and was heavy into the philosophy. Other things have stolen my attention from such spiritual pursuits, although my faith is strong as ever. As I popped open the document and began to read it, I was touched. Not so much by the writing itself, but by the honesty. This book is about my journey, and one I believe most modern followers of the way can relate to, assuming they have a mostly Western upbringing like myself. I'm not claiming to have written the next great Taoist work, far from it, but I am pleased that like many times before, I find myself enjoying the fruit of my labor. No one else has read this story so far, so I have no one's perspective but my own. And perhaps it will remain that way, but how great is it for me to be able to revisit my own journey and my own revelations. I'm proud of the philosophy I managed to weave into a somewhat romance heavy (though not a romance novel by any means) book. I find my words and interpretations relevant and even eloquent at times. It amazes me that I wrote these words, and sends me back to the spiritual way of thinking that I lost somehow over the last year. I hope as I continue to read through the book, I'm still as inspired, because if I remember correctly, I did not finish the novel last November. I reached the word goal of 50,000 and stopped. I had good reason, mind you, because I was also working on my Master's Thesis at the time. I really hope that reading through it now will inspire me to at least bring the story to a close and finish the journey for my characters.