24 hours in

So here I am, 24 hours in to a 36 hour fast.  It has been an interesting day to say the least.

First of all, I spent all but the last 4 hours (7-11) of the day all alone.  This allowed for a few good rounds of meditation, but also tested my will power A LOT.  I was sitting here at home, with a fridge full of food, not to mention the yummy fruits I have already prepared for breaking the fast tomorrow.  Watermelon has never smelled so good!!

The thing I learned the most about myself today is that I eat out of boredom.  When occupied, this fast was a piece of cake.  Such as now as I am writing, if I feel an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, I drink a few ounces of water and it passes.  When bored, however, my thoughts immediately went to food.

I also noticed an upswing around the times when I would normally eat.  My literature told me to expect this, as the body is used to its "feeding times".  But I think it has done me good to feel "real" hunger.  So often, I get bent out of shape if asked to wait an hour or two past my normal eating time.  That seems so silly to me now, having gone 24 hours without food and not in extreme amounts of pain.

One unexpected symptom: A horrible coating on my tongue that brought with it a nasty acidic metallic taste.  Again, I've looked it up and it's not abnormal.  But water certainly does not cut the taste, so a tongue scraper was my best friend today.

Perhaps the most important revelation today came during one of my mediations (they did seem easier today).  I have been struggling to deal with infertility, feeling like it is a never ending roller coaster that I must be crazy to stay on.  In a moment of clarity, a Star Wars reference came to me and lifted me from the funk.  "Do or do not, there is no try."  While some may question the validity of the source, The Force is quite Taoist and seems a natural fit for me.  I realized in that moment, that I had been "trying" to have a baby.  We were "trying" to fix Capt.'s health issue.  We were "trying" to deal with it emotionally as well.  Well, thanks to Yoda, I'm through trying.

We are fixing the problem, we will be successful, and we will deal with whatever comes our way.

I couldn't ask for a better outcome for today.  I will say that I am looking forward to my fruit tomorrow VERY much.  I am on the fence about the possibility of future fast.  I'm thinking I may try a brown rice fast next, but we'll see how I feel about it all tomorrow when it's done.

Thanks for sharing my journey with me.  :D