Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Back to Normal

Okay, I've had a bummer of a week, and yesterday was particularly hard.  Got bad news on multiple fronts within hours of each other.  I fell apart a bit.  Thank you so much for all the kind and encouraging words.  I have a lot of gratitude for a community that responds as constructively as you did, both in comments and emails.

After a mini melt down yesterday, I'm doing much better today.  I try so hard to be positive for everyone else in times of trial, but I manage to forget to do that for myself.  Not any more though.  I am a smart and capable woman, and I'll work through it all in time.  Besides, like one of you wisely pointed out, what seems like settling now, may just be a pathway to the opportunity I'm looking for.  That's a much better way to look at it.

Nothing has really changed except my attitude, but it's amazing how different things seem in a new day.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Reality punches me in the face

So I went to school for my Master's degree with visions of opportunity and doors opening.  I graduate in a comfortable position, I can be somewhat choosey and really try to find the job I want to have.

Fast forward 6 months and cold hard reality has hit me in the face.  My student loans are coming due, and seeing that amount of debt put a weight on my chest like I've never felt before.  I have not made a single cent since graduating, yet here they come a calling wanting their money.  I realize that because I'm unemployed I qualify for a deferment, but at this point it feels inevitable.  I'm going to have to find a job, ANY job that will start income coming in.

I had a dream of working online, allowing me to stay home and not have to use daycare as much.  It means so much to me to raise my own child, but it means more to provide a comfortable life for the family.  My income is vital to that, and since the family is proving costly to obtain as well, it's time to tuck tail and settle.

So depressing.