Henry Miller quote

"If there is to be any peace, it will come through being, not having." - Henry Miller

I find this quote incredibly thought provoking. I've observed that I and others in my life are often focused on the things we would like to have, and seem to get to a deluded point that having that thing will make us happy, and even further, that we can't be happy without it.

This simple quote reminds me that only I can make me happy, not things, not even other people, only me. And if given the choice, why would I choose to be unhappy? Of course outside influences cannot always be avoided. But I think if I at least acknowledge that possessing certain objects has no real bearing on my happiness, I will find myself closer to peace.

The Tao takes on Murphy

OK, so I'm guessing you are all familiar with Murphy's Law which states "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."

I was raised with this philosophy, as were many of the people I know. It is pretty common to hear people using Murphy's Law as a reason to do or not do something.

Taoist thought often says the exact opposite. You should always believe the best of yourself and others. Keep positive thoughts, always kind and loving even in the face of adversity. Always know that the universe is unfolding as it should, and trust that everything happens for a reason.

Since becoming a Taoist, I have worked very hard to deprogram my Murphy's Law training, and it's been hard. But the more I am able to undo, the happier I am. Now I can look at it, and think, wow, how unhappy is the person who always assumes things will go wrong. Even if they're right, there is something to be said for hope.

To me, it all comes down to the old adage, "whether you think you can or can't, you're right."

It's all about the thoughts, and living in Murphy's Law world, people become jaded and hopeless, which is something I never want to be.

Wisdom can come from anywhere

I was just watching something on TV when I heard that Kevin Costner counseled a friend with the following advice,

"One episode of a person's life, does not define who they are."

Now I don't know if that is his originally, but I found it quite profound for a Hollywood actor.

How to build a bear, our neice's style

So today was our trip to Des Moines, taking Little Miss (our 3 year old niece) to Build-A-Bear for her present. She was looking forward to it so much that she called me last night to talk about it.

I have to admit that Capt & I were looking forward to it also. We used to spend a lot of time with her, and miss that now that I don't babysit. I went and got her from daycare today, first wrong directions led me to a room where I got to say hello to a friend's little boy, then in the right room, she popped up from her nap ready to go.

We came back to my house to pick up Captain, managed to fit in a rousing game of go-fish with the cards she got me for my b-day. Then we were off. She was quite the chatter box the whole way there. I could tell she was relishing having the sole attention of two adults. We also sang her version of Row Row Row Your Boat and If your happy and you know it. Once there, she charged her way through the mall towards the store. It was completely empty when we got there, so she got much personal attention.

We began by picking out the bear itself. She debated between a couple of bunnies and a frog. Finally ended up with a pink bear with flowers all over it. We said OK, then it was time to choose a sound the bear could make. She tested all the buttons and fell in love with the monkey sound. I told her there was a pink monkey over there, but she wanted the bear to make the monkey noise. O...K... It's her bear, so there you go.

We stuffed the bear, she went through the little heart routine they do, and she spent a good ten minutes at the "washing" station that lets them brush the bear and shoot air on it. Time to find clothes. The first thing any cool bear needs is a pair of great shades just ask Little Miss. She then informed us that her bear was a boy, and needed boy clothes. O...K... A pink bear covered in flowers, makes monkey noises and is a boy. Of course.

Then she found a white skirt she really liked. We had to draw the line at making the pink bear in a skirt a boy, so I told her it would have to be a girl then. She decided that it would be worth it, so the bear became a girl.

A cute sequined top, some shoes and of course panties (Little Miss looked scandalized by the idea of her not having any ) and our bear was done. She decided to name the bear Flower, and her new best friend was born. They put her in the little cardboard house they give you, but not before Little Miss gave her a kiss goodbye . How cute.

We managed to drag Captain out of Scheels, bought some pink fudge, stopped and ate, then she slept the whole way home. A really fun day with a really fun little girl.

Quote - Lao Tzu

In the world of knowledge, Every day something new is added.

In pursuit of the Tao, Every day something new is let go.

- Lao Tzu

Chuang-Tzu is right

The operations of heaven and earth proceed with the most admirable order, yet they never speak. The four seasons observe clear laws, but they do not discuss them. All of nature is regulated by exact principles, but it never explains them. Thus the perfect man does nothing...he merely contemplates the universe.
-Chuang-Tzu

This seems to be a way of saying that the universe has a plan for us, and does not owe us the explaination of what that is. We should trust that everything is as it should be, which is harder than it sounds.

Quote - Andre Gide

"I'm erecting a barrier of simplicity between myself and the world."

-Andre Gide

Our Valentine Tradition

I come from a family of gift givers. The focus at our house growing up was finding presents with a lot of thought behind it (poems and handmade gifts were prized above all others), not just some random thing no one wanted anyway. So this was how I viewed the world, then along came Captain.

My husband is officially the worst gift giver on the planet (He's gotten better, but the title is well earned). It's not his fault, he grew up in a family that didn't believe much in giving gifts (at all, canceling Christmas when he was 12). We struggled in the early years of our relationship, both with our separate ideas of what's the best way to do things.

I insisted that he should be able to find something that makes him think of me, or write me a love letter, or something that had thought behind it, he countered that if he bought something, the more money spent the more he loved me.
He insisted that he loves me everyday, so why should one day be special. I countered that I don't look at it like I don't love him any other day, but I jump at any chance to celebrate the amazing love that we share.

Eventually, with a lot of compromising on both our parts (we are very good at that) we came up with a Valentine's tradition that we love. Every Vday we go to a restaurant that we've never been to before. No gifts necessary, just conversation. I LOVE this tradition. Not only does it mean a nice evening together with my husband (no cell phones allowed), but I get to try something new. My husband is a creature of habit and would only go to 1 or 2 restaurants for the rest of his life and be totally happy.

I look forward to our conversations each year about where we should go, any places we've thought about trying, etc. One year, when we couldn't afford much, we opted for trying a new recipe instead.

I know many are so fed up with the commercialism of Vday that they ignore it all together, and that's their choice. But for me, Vday is a chance to dress up a little (I never get to otherwise) and share a unique fun experience with the man I love more than anything in the world. For the rest of my life, I know there's one day a year that our love will take a new adventure.

The Year of The Ox

A very happy new year to all those who celebrate with the lunar calendar, as most Taoists do. This day is most well known as the Chinese new year, but is celebrated all over by lunar calendar followers.

This year ushers into the year of the Ox. The Ox is dependable, modest, calm and stable, they tend to speak little but when they do are quite eloquent. The Ox is exactly what we need this year to help our failing economy. Here are some Ox facts:

1. Our new president, Barack Obama is an Ox. Oxes tend to achieve through hard work and routine.

2. Oxes are some of the truest friends you'll ever have.

3. Oxes tend to be good at careers like composer, landlord, doctor, cook, police officer, teacher, judge, banker, insurance broker and gardener.

4. A Chinese New Year tradition had the elders giving red envelopes to the young people that contain money.

5. Oxes are most compatible with Snakes, Roosters & Rats.

I am a monkey, but can really see the need for an Ox.

Happy New Year!! Happy New Year!! Happy New Year!! Happy New Year!!

On Eating

I decided to share another story from my book Tales from the Tao, which I love more and more. This story I totally get and just want to share.

On Eating by Solala Towler

A teacher was traveling with some of her students. At one of their stops they were served the meat of a pig. The students were horrified to see the teacher calmly eating this forbidden food. "Teacher," they cried, "is not the flesh of an animal forbidden by our order?"

The teacher went on chewing slowly, clearly savoring the taste of the pig. When she had finished she said, "Can you not see that it was a great and honored gift from these poor people to be given this delicacy? No doubt it was given at great cost to them and with an attitude of humbleness and generosity. Who am I to spurn their gift?"

"Besides," she said, taking another bite, "it is not what goes into your mouth that defiles you, but what comes out."
***

This story has 2 great messages packed into one short story. I am constantly baffled by how entirely ungrateful people are. Yet another thing my husband has taught me, always show your gratitude, if you think they get it, say thank you one more time.

And the last line is a doozy.