Friday, February 10, 2012

Day 12 - Something You are OCD About

I try to not be to obsessive about anything, as it is not conducive to the mellow lifestyle I constantly covet.  There is one thing, though, that I am completely OCD about: Food.

I'm not saying that I am obsessed with food itself, but with the availability of it.  I HAVE to know where my next meal is coming from or I go crazy.  Living in the country like we do has increased the amount of anxiety produced by these feelings, and now my vehicle is not working so it's a thousand times worse, I can't even go get something if there's nothing in the house.

My husband has to deal with this on those occasions where he forgets to tell me that he won't be around for an evening meal.  Generally, he tells me far enough in advance that I can plan and make sure I know what I'll make myself that night. (I should clarify that Capt. does almost all the cooking in our house.  If you tasted both of our cooking you'd make the same choice, lol.)  But on occasion, he forgets, or estimates his time wrong and I end up suddenly with no plan.  I become completely irrational at this point, I admit it.  Sitting here now, I know I am capable of finding something in my cupboards to eat.  But when I am reacting to the news, my thoughts are filled with panic and anxiety and I flip out.

I'm not sure where this comes from.  My best guess involves many nights as a teenager that were deemed, "fend for yourself" nights.  This in and of itself is not a big deal, a teenager can make things for themselves.  The problem was that as a juvenile, I had zero control of what was in those cupboards (which were generally rather bare) and often found nothing I could cook, leaving me with meals of toast or pizza rolls.  I felt very neglected on those nights, swearing that when I was an adult I wouldn't let that happen.  I wonder if that feeling carries over to these circumstances today.

So there you go, I am OCD about knowing where my next meal will come from.

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